America & Me
Artist Statement
The series “America & Me” speaks to my experiences and emotions I’ve had growing up in America as a Chinese American and to the political, social, and cultural climate that erupted during the last presidency, resulting in hate and derision towards the Chinese community. It speaks to and reflects on the themes of racism, prejudice, being on the fringe, the stereotype of the model minority that Far East Asians are saddled with, my loss of identity and how I couldn’t relate when the media and society grouped all minorities as “brown” and “other” — the impetus for this series, to being choked by American ideals figuratively, physically, and historically, and to the violence of mob mentality. Ultimately, this series is about identity. It is how the “majority” relegate the “minority” into an insignificant, non-threatening, faceless group, causing us to lose our voices and our distinct cultures. The series is about my identity of growing up and living as an immigrant and a Chinese American. There are several facets to this identity as further discussed in my exhibition statement found in the Exhibitions section at the bottom of the page. As the media and others latched onto the terms “other”, “people of color (POC)”, and “brown” in their news reporting and discussions a few years back, I felt like I had no voice in the discussion. I’ve never thought of myself as “brown” or “POC”. I identify as “yellow” for better or worse. I don’t believe I was ever taught to identify with this other than learning it in historical context when it came to American history and all the satirical (and offensive) art that came with it. I still feel like Asians and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) don’t have a voice, particularly in politics. This is readily seen in any political poll where we aren’t even a factor and low representation in all levels of government. In this series, the primary figure is sheathed in a traditional yellow Chinese brocade fabric to show their Chinese identity. Though gold and yellow has a cultural significance, I used the color to represent the Chinese since I identified with “yellow”. In these images, I wanted them to show a heightened sense of reality, to show that there is no doubt that this is reality for many of us living in this country. Thus, the starkness, the sharpening, and the darkness of it was used to convey this.
Immigration
(aka Identities At Birth)
Like many people and families who immigrate to America for a better life, my family was no different. From what my mom was willing to tell me and I haven't had a chance to read up on the history back then, Hong Kong, a colony of Great Britain, wasn't a great place to live. There was economic strife and my dad and brother were subjected to being robbed several times. I don't know whether they knew or not what they were getting into but mid-1970s and in New York City, no less, there was still a lot of prejudice towards Asians and towards African Americans. I still wonder, if my parents had picked a different English speaking country (Great Britain, Australia, or New Zealand) to immigrate to, how different or similar our life would have been. I don't really know.
Extra commentary: It’s funny that I’m learning a lot about my family history in the past two years that I never knew about, which also led me to thinking about doing an off shoot series off of this one, tentatively named America & Me: Stories. When my parents decided to immigrate to America, my mom was pregnant with me. The person at the U.S. Embassy had wanted my mom to have me be born in America. My mom refused. She also thought it would take a long while before the papers went through. From what I hear, the process went obscenely fast and we moved to America a few months after I was born.
Extra commentary for alternative title "Identities At Birth": Living in Hong Kong (HK) or Kowloon, you live differently than if you were living on the mainland. That’s because it was colonized by the British in 1841. I grew up different from my brother. He had the benefit of learning Chinese and speaking Cantonese. Although he studied English in school, it didn’t make him fluent. Cantonese from Hong Kong is different from Guangdong, China. Since it was colonized, the use of English words are mixed into everyday conversations and TV and you may have English words given a HK Cantonese phonetic translation. Ways to say something may be different like how British English and American English may use different words for the same thing. Cantonese was my first language as well but I learned to speak English at some point. My brother says I sound like a typical (generic accented) American if you hear me on the phone. It’s interesting because when I moved to Texas as a teen, one of my friends had said I had a thick New York accent. I can only attribute that to one of my best friends at the time because she spoke with a Bronx accent. So, in my family, you have afternoon tea like the Brits. However, this would be Hong Kong style as in Chinese dessert buns or something else, though you can easily have European desserts too, and the tea would be Hong Kong style milk tea - a strong sweetened tea mixed with evaporated milk. It’s really, really good. In terms of identity, I have to consider myself as Cantonese with Hong Kong and British influences as well as American. But, I am Chinese as well. I am an East Coast girl and consider myself a northerner despite living/growing up in the Mid-Atlantic. In college, we had studied about identity and loss of identity among Chicanos and Native Americans in two different classes. I remember during that time, I realized that I didn’t feel that identity crisis that others have felt. Today, as I’m learning more about my family history and thinking more about identity, I’m viewing things through the eyes of more experiences and views than I had in my college years. I mention it elsewhere but I’ll refer you to have a quick read at the artist statement in the Exhibition section which talks about hidden identities based on the theme of that particular exhibition.
A Bright Future
The idea of the welcoming arms of America and finding a better life for one's self and/or their children.
Extra commentary: The U.S. and many countries believe we are the land of opportunity, that anyone is welcome, and that everyone will live a better life once here. What people in other countries don’t know is that those opportunities may be lacking for certain members of the population, either by race, gender, or by socioeconomic status. Some believe immigrants will take jobs away from them. But, if those Americans were never qualified in the first place for those same jobs or don’t want a lowly job that requires hard work and/or labor, does this still apply? Asylum seekers at the countries’ border of Mexico and the U.S. have become a highly volatile and polarizing subject with Americans within the past decade. The people at the border are being vilified and stories made up about them. Children were and are separated from their families. Some are escaping war or criminal violence and extortion. What happened to compassion?
Patriotism
The idea of the welcoming arms of America and finding a better life for one's self and/or their children.
Extra commentary: When we become citizens of a country, we give our love and blood to the country. We align with their ideals. We fight for our country in the armed forces. Asians have been fighting in wars on this land since the Revolutionary War whether as a soldier, sailor, servant, or enslaved/slave and they have fought in every war since, both in segregated and unsegregated units.
"Othered" and Not Belonging
In the media and society, I am relegated as "other" and "brown" but I don't identify with this. To make it easier for others to group us, we must lose our culture and identity, becoming one unit of faceless persons, not allowed to be individuals.
Extra commentary: This image is a comment on how the media and society readily lumped all POC into the groups “brown” and “other”. I don’t know if it was just easier to lump us together in this fashion or something else, but it strips us of our varying cultures and identities. We lose our voice and individualism. As I mentioned before, I don’t relate to being labeled in those terms. So, this image shows that even though we are lumped together as one entity, I don’t feel like I belong, I am standing outside of the group, alone.
Lesser Than
Even though we are all Chinese, I am looked down upon and seen as "less than" for various reasons due to perception and inherent biases.
Extra commentary: Always feeling like I am wanting, not good enough by other Chinese people whether it’s because I don’t know Mandarin, I grew up in the US even though I was born in Hong Kong, the Chinese school teacher thought I shouldn’t enroll because she deemed me to “big” to start learning Chinese.
Hatred Cometh
The political and social rhetoric of the past decade has led to mob mentality and the actions that arise from it. In this case, the hate towards those with Chinese heritage.
Walking Away As If Nothing Happened
Angry mob walks away after attacking a person of Chinese heritage.
Anger
This represents the violence against the Chinese and Chinese Americans due to political and social rhetoric throughout American history. The hatred has cycled back within the past decade.
Rising
No matter what horrific, violent, or some other event, we are expected to dust ourselves off and act like nothing is wrong. We bear and grin it. We are aiding in the delusion. We are perpetuating stereotypes. We are expected to move on in submission.
I Am American
I am American. I am Chinese but I am American. Society sees what it wants to see, in this case, the color of my skin and how different I look from them. Because of that, I am not considered American. I am not one of them.
Extra commentary: I am American. I am a U.S. citizen. These two sentences don’t matter when you are an immigrant or were born in the United States when racism and prejudice are involved. The most recent cases being the Haitian and Puerto Rican communities being vilified by the Trump campaign right before election day of 2024. Sadly, this is nothing new. This has happened many times throughout history to many different groups of people. Most notably would be the Japanese internment/concentration camps and the Native American Reservations. In 1894, Wong Kim Ark, a U.S. born Chinese man, had gone to China to visit his parents. Upon coming back to the U.S. in 1895, he was denied entry. The Chinese Exclusion Act had been in effect since May 6, 1882. He was held on a ship in San Francisco Bay. The attorneys from the Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association (the “Six Companies”) argued that this was a violation of his rights as a U.S. citizen. The case ended up in the Supreme Court where it found that Wong’s rights were violated under the 14th Amendment pertaining to birthright citizenship.
Crushed Dreams and Ideals
The "American Dream" is touted for everyone but it is not and it may come with limitations for those who are allowed to live it.
Extra commentary: The American Dream. Ever since the “discovery” of this land, this New World was advertised as a land of opportunities for the taking despite the fact that Indigenous peoples were already living here. There is land, there is food, there is the dream of a new life, a fresh start. You can make it here if you work hard enough. This sentiment continues today and many people around the world believe that as well. What is not told is how some immigrants and citizens are treated as second class citizens or less, how all the dreams are not to be realized by everyone, that only certain people, certain races, certain genders are allowed to succeed. Laws were and are made to prevent them from succeeding, to limit them, to keep them from realizing their dreams. It’s about bigotry.
Death
Death represents several meanings in this image. It is American ideals wrapping a noose around me because I don’t follow or fit into those ideas. It represents a past memory of my best friend putting a noose around my head when we were kids. Also, at times, my culture may be embraced. Other times, it is vilified and we must be rid of. So, this represents the hangings and the violent destruction of our communities in the past, including those of other minorities. Thus, past and present come together.
Extra Commentary: In this image, the figure is shown with an American flag as a noose around its neck alluding to being choked by American ideals. It is having to assimilate. The second meaning is actually a memory from when I was a kid. My best friend and I were rummaging around the attic of the local Knights of Columbus building which her parents were members of. My friend had found a noose and had put it around my neck. I only remember crying after that. Thirdly, the image created with a desaturated background of the woods alludes to the times in American history, which goes as far back as the 1800s where the Chinese communities were ostracized, burned down, and/or killed through lynching or other means. It is also a nod to other minority groups who suffered through similar atrocities in the same type of setting as well as to how mob mentality had a hand in some, if not many, of these killings. Past and present come together.
Diptychs
Although these images are the same from the series, the following can be grouped together as diptychs to tell a story.
All Around Outsider/Feeling Removed
Feeling the prejudice between a minority group different from me and within my own ethnic group. I belong to neither though I am grouped and seen as such by outsiders.
Model Minority
No matter what horrific, violent, or some other event, we are expected to dust ourselves off and act like nothing is wrong. We bear and grin it. We are aiding in the delusion. We are perpetuating stereotypes. We are expected to move on in submission.
Extra Commentary: As a model minority, we are put on a pedestal, so to speak. We are stereotyped as smart, successful, and resilient. We are expected not to be troublemakers, making waves, showing dissent. No matter what horrific, violent, or some other event, we are expected to dust ourselves off and act like nothing is wrong. We bear and grin it. We are aiding in the delusion. We are perpetuating stereotypes. We are expected to move on in submission. This image is a diptych, showing the violent encounter and afterwards. In conjunction with the hate for minorities that surfaced to the forefront in the last presidency and Covid-19 becoming a global pandemic, a massive amount of hate and vilification were aimed towards Asian Americans in general and to the Chinese specifically, regardless of whether you were an American or not. It stirred up mob mentality. It stirred up fear not just as a community but as an individual. I lost my sense of feeling safe, whatever that means. I was wary and less trustful of neighbors and people I would come across in daily life, whether it be at the supermarket or some store running errands. I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t know whether I would get attacked physically or verbally or both and whether anyone would help me. You see, I’ve grown up most of my life having only one or a few Chinese or Asian friends here and there at any given time or none at all. Most of my friends have been Caucasian. I’ve always lived in white neighborhoods with little to no Chinese communities. The schools I attended were predominately white. Where I live in Pennsylvania is considered Pennsyltucky. It’s where Trump and Doug Mastriano flags and signs and the Confederate flag are proudly and blatantly everywhere: on lawns, store fronts, painted cars off major roads, barns, and flying on the back of pickup trucks. In the diptych, the image on the left is a depiction of that hate, mixed in with the political morality that lit and fanned the fire, and the mob mentality that lead to hate crimes against the AAPI community. In the back is a figure looking on, apathetic. Again, it is set in the woods. The image is dark to reflect the sinisterness of what is happening and the atmosphere. In the image on the right, the mob has gone on its way and the figure slowly gets up and stands as if nothing had happened, being a “model citizen”. These images were meant to be more graphic with blood stains but I think the message is still there without it, possibly slightly less chilling.
Mob Mentality's Pursuit of Righteousness
An angry mob confronts an individual of Chinese descent to commit violence on them. In their mentality, they believe they are righteous and doing the right thing.
Fun facts/Hidden meanings:
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The dragon pattern on the fabric represents me since my Chinese zodiac is dragon. I chose cranes for my dad because they remind me of him. The pattern for my mom was picked out by her and the children fabric represents my brother when he was younger.
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I had the series concept written down for years but didn't think I would make it come to life. Finally, a voice said it needed to be made. I wasn't sure I had the courage to show it publicly. That voice said that I had to. The stars aligned and allowed me to exhibit parts of it.
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There were a few more concepts I had envisioned for this series that I ended up not making.
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I am very thankful and grateful to my friend who gave me the safe space and support to capture these images. To be honest, I was a little scared and wary of taking these photos by myself in the woods in Pennsyltucky given my ethnicity and the political nature of this series. They lent me their courage and strength. (And I'm crying as I'm writing this.) Thank you for being my safe space, my friend, my model, and my all around game-for-anything fellow conspirator and adventurer.
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Traditionally in Chinese culture, the color yellow or gold in fabric was reserved for the Emperor and the Imperial family.
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The masks in Hatred Cometh represent evil and death through traditional Chinese demon masks. They are seen flying throughout the scene. Taking inspiration from Chinese movies/dramas I'd seen as a child and the traditional Chinese Tibetan and Sorcerer masks, I created one out of air dry clay. It dried a little bit flatter than I had wanted since I didn't have the right support for it to dry a bit more curved. Both the red and green represent evil and demonic activities. I took artistic license here as the actual use of the mask would be used to ward off evil or demonic spirits for protection or in funerals. I suppose this could still apply and changes the meaning of the image slightly where I'm calling upon my Chinese heritage to help protect me or be there in my death. Here is a closer look at the mask.
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The Chinese and other Asian groups arrived in the New World as early as the 1500s by way of Spanish ships.
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Individuals should consider that words and actions do matter, even if they’re small or done in an off-handed way.
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Individuals and cultural groups matter and should not be “erased” out of convenience or for other ill intentioned reasoning.
A few of the images were exhibited in juried group shows.
Womenswork.art, Poughkeepsie, NY
Seen/Heard A celebration of BIPOC Feminine Artistry
Death, Model Minority, "Othered" and Not Belonging
Woodstock Artists Association and Museum (WAAM), Woodstock, NY
Behind the Veil
Death, Lesser Than, "Othered" and Not Belonging
Exhibition Artist Statement
Living in polychotomy with fractured identities. There is the identity we have, the identity we only show certain people, and then, there's the identity people assign onto us, whether it's congruent with our true selves or not. The selected images from the series, “America & Me”, specifically depicts my struggle with my Chinese identity as well as the identities others view me both in and outside the Chinese community. Growing up as a Chinese American, Hong Kong born but American raised, means I not only have the identity of being Chinese, but also, as a Hongkonger, Cantonese, influenced by the British, and learning to navigate between the Chinese and American cultures. Within the Chinese community, I’m not seen as full Chinese. Most of the time, I forget I’m Chinese and look Chinese until I’m reminded of it, especially since the last decade to the present given the societal and political hostility towards the Chinese. I’ve been designated as “other” in that time period as well, thereby losing my identity and gaining a nondescript one. Putting these fractured identities into a series, it may be my unconscious way to mend those pieces into something that is whole again.
Cross Currents Gallery, Online
Outsiders
Lesser Than
Las Laguna Gallery, Online
Politics and Art
I Am American